One year later
I am just getting a chance to post this, but it was wriiten Sept. 1st 2007
It has been one year since I crashed, and my world flipped over on it's axis. I still know deep inside me, if I had it to do over again, that I absolutely would. The physical marks have improved, leaving only tiny reminders that I even had an accident. The small amount of nerve damage on the left side of my face is really not that terrible, since it seems to have smoothed the skin and diminished all those little smile lines, not that I ever had any.
I am reminded today of what my life was like a year ago, before I made it to the track that night, my children growing so quickly, their school progressing equally as fast, and my love of racing and riding consumed my every spare moment, my every thought. It's not that I was the fastest, or the best, I was never going to be up there anywhere near close to anyone like Ricky, or Bubba, or Chad, I was never going to be a David Knight, or a Wayne Braybrook, or be a Doug Henry, or a Jeff Ward.... But I guarantee you, I loved the sport equally as much if not more than any one of those men. And a year ago, the thing I loved the most, almost killed me.
Now here I am, seemingly normal :), sitting in front of my computer, with the hollowed out memory of the vague recollections I still have that cling to my brain like a once was bad drug trip. So clear and concise, yet so distorted and convoluted. My memory never did return, and I am left with so many holes, which generate the ability to justifiably question "how" and "why"..... two questions that I will never have an answer for. And like any distant memory that pops its head in to catch you off guard and turn you into it's prey, I am still here one year later, fighting the good fight, aiming high to acheive success in all of my athletic challenges, whether it be racing/riding, or running.
I walk into my garage, and I look at the sight of my dirt bikes lined up in no organized fashion, and it remind me of this. Life is short, so you must do what makes you happy while you are here. Don't waste time on hate, or dislike, or insults, or ignorance. Get out there and make a difference for someone else, go do something that makes you happy, ride your MTB, Ride your MX, Surf that BIG wave,Run that race, whatever it is, do it. Wether you do it for love of the sport or for the glory of the win, go and do it.
I spent some time in the hospital over the past year, more than 45 days were spent in a hospital , some of the times attached to tubes, some of them helping, some of them not so much. Depending on why I was there, I heard different peoples stories. When I had my accident, I was given a private room for my stay "in the bed". There was a young man, 21, in the room next to me, who had unfortunately lost his footing (because of his cat) on his stairs in his home, and he fell down half of them.... his back was broken and he was not expected to ever walk again. WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS.... something he does every day, multiple times a day, should be totally benign, and he takes a fall, only half way, and he is paralyzed for the remainder of his life.
That december, less than three months later, I fell taking out the garbage, and broke my wrist and a bone in my hand. In January, I batteled Pnuemonia, and I was in and out of the hopsital.... when you feel you can not breathe and you awake sometime in the middle of the morning with a fever in the high 103's, and you have no idea where you are, yet you are in fact in the comfort of your own bedroom, it is time to start worrying. I spent some time "in the bed" for that one! A few months ago, I start to feel ill.... I have had kidney problems all of my life and in my mind I said, wait it out, call the doctor tomorrow.... I didnt have to wait that long. within just a few hours, the pain was so aggressive I could hardly stand, and my poor attempt at it was a doubled over stance, the fever came on just as quickly. I spent some time recovering. A month ago,I was helping ym parents remodel their home, I tripped on the flooring where the carpet had been pulled up and the edge of the hardwood was waiting patiently for me, I broke a toe, and a bone in my foot (meta tarsel).... Meanwhile with a toe, I am still running up to 40 miles per week. Fortunately, it has also recovered.
Moral, yes, there is one.... it doesnt matter if your taking out the garbage, or remodeling a house, walking down your stairs..... you have to do what you love while you have time to do it. I don't know if we are "predetermined".... for those of you who are like me and believe in god, and the bible, it says we are of free will. But it also says that what we are to do, who we are, is already written. We can make the choice to enjoy life, we can make the choice to do great things, be great at what we do, and who we are. But when its our time...... yes.
One year ago today, I was hurt, badly. I awoke a few days later to a reflection I did not recognize. I was reminded of how wonderful life is, because I almost had mine taken from me. I will always ride, I will always race, I will always win, whether I am first or last to cross the finish line. I would prefer first but, you know, wouldnt we all!?! The point is, I am going to go out and do what I love. October brings on the second half of a great harescramble season, there are still supermoto dates left, and I intend to take the time to ride/practice a lot in what is left of this season, and I am going to ENJOY every little small crash, and "oh-crap" moment. I am going to keep training for my marathon, and run until I cant run anymore because my legs just will not go. And I am going to do it all with a smile, because IT IS what I love.
One year later, and here I am.