Pieces
Tonight while talking to a friend. He said "Well, don't you think you'll get hurt again if you keep racing?" To this I quickly responded in my typical oh so smart mouthed manner, "don't you think you should put that cigarette out?"
The fact is, I think about it a lot. I think about it alot more than my friend does! Here's my conclussion. While I could not ride, I was miserable. and the more time that passed in which I could not ride, I became more miserable. I had an accident, and the worst part was waking up not knowing where I was, or what had happened to me. I woke up and I looked like someone else, but worse, I felt like someone else. Someone I had never met, someone who was sad, empty, and alone. Someone who did not laugh, or feel hope. I woke up and I was someone I always tried to avoid becoming. My life had shattered into a million different pieces.
When you have a passion for something that runs so deep that it drives you, you are complete. When that passion is stolen, ripped out of your arms unsuspectingly, you become the black side of white. Two weeks ago, all of this changed for me.
I raced. I rode without hesitation. I rode hard. I was safe yet honestly, I pushed, I took chances. A lot of them. And somewhere out there, amidst the trees, and the brush, the dust, ,the rocks, the mud, the sweat, all of the pieces of my life, began to weld themselves back together, forming that bond, that passion that I had longed for. That passion that kept me sane.
Tonight, sitting here in front of the glowing LCD in the comfort of my bedroom, I am reminded of how difficult the times have been. I come to this place (spoonsorhouse) to make new friends with common interests, as well as to gain sponsors. I never in my life thought that I would gain so much incredible insight, and wisdom as I have from this place.
I have met many people who have shared their stories of their very severe accidents, and all of them have reached me. A few helped me find my passion. My friend Paka, you are amazing, thank you. Dave, your words of kindness and your willingness to get back on the horse, you are an inspiration. Martin, your sense of humor amuses me. There are more, many more who have made the difference. I only hope someday someone can help you when you need it, the way you all helped me when I needed it. Thank you for helping me to put the pieces back together.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get back to the creepy AOL chat room guy who is still persistently asking me what I am wearing :) Sorry, I was serious for like ten minutes, you all knew it wouldnt last!!!!