Life is really very persistent. I have been struggling for more than a few weeks now with a very bad illness, which has been diagnosed and being treated as pneumonia. I had a nice hospital stay with lots of nice sharp objects, crappy cable t.v. , and nurses who have a tendency to be as frustrating as illness itself.

Once again, for the sake of sounding redundant, life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

I am home now, finally, and feeling better. My first follow up was today, and more blood work, more xrays, and more meds are needed in the next week, and two weeks. I am not thrilled about this. It may have an impact on my season, and it has already. The good thing is I no longer need to worry about those few extra pounds I put on following my days of injury. Illness has sent them to a place that only the sanitation department could be proud of.  But I am happy to report that I am feeling better, eating well, sleeping alright, and am alive. I find myself frustrated at times....  a fever of this sort brings on many nasty body aches, fatigue, and lack of motivation for just about anything. 

March will be better, and I will be back on my feet and on my pegs with a fury that only an insane amount of  injury, illness and PTS disorders could possibly cause.  

I surely hope everyone is having a wonderful season thus far, and that you are all healthy, happy and riding,

I did it! I got back on the horse.  I will freely admit, it was not as easy as I thought it would be. It only took me a half a second to realize I was out of sorts. My confidence was shot, and it seemed like everything was just different. Maybe that's a good thing though.

The first few minutes were the worst, of course. Every bump, every rock, every movement in the suspension, it all felt foreign. And as I reminded myself of those little mental notes that I used to share privately with myself, I realized I was messing up my head even more. ten minutes into it, I realized, I needed to free myself and just ride. Just go. Ride. Do it.  And it worked. Pretty soon I felt the rythym, the familiar movement of the bike, the changes in the suspension as the terrain changed, everything just started to fall into place. I hit a jump, and it felt good.... better than good, it felt great! I was finally back on it, and I landed it like I hadnt missed a moment on my bike, two seconds later I was taking on a set of whoops, never gave them any thought, just did it. and for some reason, I stopped, and was amazed at what caught my eye. I happened to glance down at the bottom of my fork tube, where I was able to see DRIPS of fluid, drips, not one, not two, but, it look like my bike was raining.  My seals, both sides are shot. I spent another 20 minutes on the bike before it felt more like the latest pogo stick challenge and decided that I was done. I did what I set out to to. I rode, for the first time since I racked myself really badly. I did it. And it felt great.

 I no longer wish I had never crashed. As of that moment, perched on my bike for the first time since my accident, I learned more about myself and about my riding then I would have ever had the pleasure of knowing if I had never crashed. I know I will never take riding for granted. I will never take anything physical for granted. I will always appreciate my life, my mind set and my strength.  I will never underestimate the power of a motorcycle, even a "small" one. I will never underestimate the power of success, as well as loss. I will appreciate those who face dealing with PTSD, which I thought was an excuse for doting on oneself before I knew better.  I know now that I am a good rider, I will be a safer rider, and I will never again complain about how bulky or inconvenient my gear is, I will appreciate it and I will appreciate the fact that I had it and that it saved me from further injury, possibly death.

I will start my race season in March. For those who have started already, or are starting soon, GOOD LUCK to you all! Please be safe, and have fun! Enjoy the ride.