Someone recently asked me, if I knew before I crashed, that it was going to happen would I still have gone out and done it?
Knee jerk reaction was to say "Heck NO!" but, Instead, I took a minute to think about it. A swirl of mixed emotions brewing in my mind, flooding my senses. "Yes, I absolutley would." I heard come from my mouth, hearing it with my own ears as though someone else had said it. I went on to explain that my crash was in fact awful. Crashing and being injured so badly knocked me down on so many different levels that it was unbelievable. Following my accident, I went through the "five stages", the denial, The ANGER (more like rage),the bargaining, the depression and then finally the acceptance. The person that crashed that night on September 1st 2006, was the not the same person that I am now. While it is true that we all evolve in ways we dont understand based on our life experiences, I do not think I would have become the person I am now if it had happened any other way. I would not want to "undo" any of it.
I love to ride. I love to race. The passion is different, and I will admit, I am forever changed by my accident. But now as the anniversary date of my crash is bearing down on me, I know I am better for having gone through it. That which does not kill us only makes us stronger.... cliche. I know. I am stronger. It has given me great clarity in my life and what I should expect from myself on all levels of riding, racing, running, and just being a human being.
I am not special. I am nothing more, and nothign less than you are sitting in front of your computer screen reading the thoughts in my head that are spelled out on this page in text. We are all just people, trying to survive, some doing better than others. Here at sponsorhouse, we have goals, dreams, ambitions.... after all, that is why we come here. That is also why I am using my negatives and turning them into positives. My accident, my injuries are no excuse for being lazy. I made a choice to get back on my bike. To do something, to over come. I am running a full Marathon in October (2007) and until this past May, I had NEVER done any kind of running! I am 31 years old!And I am training for an event that has already changed my life in so many ways. I am running this event, because my accident made me realize, I could do better. I could help people who need it, I could be stronger, I could be braver, I could be something more than the person who sat here six months ago and wrote about how bad her accident was, hanging onto that fear, that helplessness.
Finally, I am more.
Racing, Riding, Running, Surfing,whatever your sport. Love it, live it, get off your couch, get away from your computer, and go do something! Get involved. Become a mentor. Run for a cure. Race for a cure. But do SOMETHING! Help others.... you never know when it will be your turn to need someone elses help. Believe me, because I know.
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Written in May 2007:
Last year when I started riding in the dirt, I didn't realize the passion I would find in the sport. Motocross, dirt tracking, trail riding, and supermoto have been everything in our household. I realized last year that motorcycles are no longer our hobby, and instead have become our way of life.
Racing a bike has given me a life I never knew of. I used to think it was fun, maybe a way to get out and relieve stress. It is all that and more. I have discovered that is is also about adventure, passion, it is the gateway to life and everything that is important to my family. It bonds me to my three children who also love to ride. It bonds me to a group of friends that I may not have without the common interest. I can not imagine my life if I could not ride and race.
THE CRASH:
On September 1st 2006, I was in an accident at Sandhill Raceway on the dirt track. I Crashed at about 40-45 mph into another rider. I was knocked unconscious, so I am not to sure about all of the details. But I do know this. I woke up in a helicopter, and it was dark. My accident occured at 10:30 pm, so obviously the dark is normal, but I did not realize where I was. I wound up in the hospital for a full week. I broke my left scapula, had a severe concussion, a ruptured spleen, and one heck of a hospital bill. The night I was admitted, the doctor came in and told me that I would need surgery, and I will NEVER forget the look on his face when I immediately asked him "Does this mean I can't ride tomorrow???? I have a race to finish!"
Now, that whole conversation makes most people laugh, those who witnessed it, re-tell it like it was a story written in every childhood book you've ever heard of... full of child-like emotion and laughter. In all honesty, it was the only thing that mattered to me.... the ride. Riding has become more than fun, more than winning or losing, Although winning is always better. It has become a passion. I only hope others can understand the value of the passion I have found in this wonderful sport.
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To my wonderful sponsors: Thank you for reminding me of the strength I had inside of me all along. Your faith, and your willingness to support me in my racing and riding have made all of the difference. Thank you.