Twelve years ago, nearly to the day, I stepped off an airplane in Los Angeles International airport and said hello to California. I was a 21 year old hotshot guitarist who had left behind a locally successful band to attend one of the most demanding music schools in the world. There was no doubt about it. I was going to leave my mark on the music world and nothing would stop me. I had no housing arrangements, not much money, and I wasn`t even sure if my financial aid for the school had been approved yet. There I stood, so many things to worry about but not even giving any of it a second thought. I was going to make it happen one way or another. I hailed a cab and just told the driver "Hollywood, please." The school is right in the middle of hollywood and I figured as long as I could get close I could manage from there.



When I finally got in and situated (my financial aid had, in fact, been approved) I found I was in SO far over my head. Here I was, a musician of 2 1/2 years attending a school populated by career musicians and the teachers were literally rock stars I had read about in magazines. Their level of musical competency was so superior to mine that all I could do for the first six months was hide away and study and work my arse off for up to 16 hours a day. After a while I found myself being able to get out and hold my own with some of the better students and I started to frequent the more challenging elective classes. I had worked so hard, so intensely that I had made up several years of experience and was on my way to being the musician I wanted to be.



Then, in one slippery moment it nearly all ended. I had an accident and snapped a major ligament in my hand, putting me in a cast after a minor surgery. Final exams for the semester were only a week away and I could barely hold a guitar, let alone PLAY it. I made some concessions (read: begged) for some leeway, but there were things I simply could not do. My career at this school hung in limbo.



I took a steak knife and whittled away part of the cast, just enough to hold a pick the right way. I still couldn`t move my wrist so I had to learn an entirely different way of playing (temporarily...thank God). but I went back and asked for a second chance at the finals I wasn`t able to take before. I was granted the request and stayed in california over the break instead of coming home to Texas.



I passed.



The setback just made me work even harder, and as I got better and better some of the students (mostly the friends I made along the way) started calling me "The Phoenix", for the birds` ability to resurrect itself from it`s own ashes. The name stuck around for several years, and I went on to play and perform with some of the biggest names in music. I built a home studio and set out on an album that has grown far too diverse to release as one project. Some day I will sort through the hours and hours and hours of recordings and maybe even re-record some of it, and have an end to the story.



As I sit here recovering from a potentially fatal condition I can`t help but compare it to what I did a decade ago. My aspirations in BMX are bigger than I am, and most people don`t think I can get where I want to be. I have worked so hard to get to this point in the short time I`ve been back, only to have the carpet yanked out. I WILL NOT let it stop me. Ten years ago I had the unfettered confidence to overcome anything in my way. My quest now is not to find the best training program, or the best bike, or whatever. My quest is to find that unyielding confidence again. It`s inside me somewhere, and it`s only a matter of remembering where to look. Seems a fitting time to resurrect a nickname given to me by people who thought I`d earned it...



Thanks for reading,

JeffB,

The Phoenix.

First off, I`ve been very diligent about my medication and it has paid off. It`s apparently very difficult to normalize the level of the medicine in a person`s blood, and compliance has a VERY big part in that for most people (ie; taking the right doses and eating the right things). My levels have been DEAD PERFECT from day one. I take my meds on time and eat what i`m supposed to eat, letting the medicine do what it`s supposed to do.



Also, since part of the damage was some lung tissue inflammation (unclear in the x-ray if it would be permanent) I have had a really, really hard time exerting myself for more than a lap or two. I`ve been doing some specific interval training on the elliptical machine at the gym, monitoring my heart rate and keeping track of my intensity. Little by little I have gotten more cardiovascular endurance, going from literally half of one lap to being able to get a dozen or so, which leads me to how I felt the past two nights. Tuesday night I felt really great, and figured I just rested well the night before. I rode a little extra hard (well, compared to what I have been capable of doing) and still felt like I could keep going. Last night I realized that I had put in over a dozen laps and felt like I could keep going, so I finally decided I`d start getting reacquainted with the gate again (The fear of internal hemorrhages upon impact makes a person especially cautious on the gate). I got a couple of pretty good gates and my confidence started coming back. I found myself on the gate by myself, and I was just staring at my stem bolts to keep from thinking about stuff. It dropped and I nailed the best gate I`ve gotten since I was in the hospital. It felt so good I just got on the gas as hard as I could through the first turn and it felt GREAT!



I got back to the start hill, and one of my buddies who`s a 22X`s eyes were as big as pie plates. He says to me "dude, I haven`t seen you ride that fast since I`ve been back to the track. I had no idea you were that fast." Lol...I told him "neither did I..." He went on to describe a distinct moment when I got on the power and claimed to actually see my aluminum frame flex! The rest of practice went equally well, and I made a lot of progress. We even switched to the NBL cadence for a while and I showed some of those kids how to get a real gate ( Best 1st straight I have had in MONTHS. Perfect gate, perfect manual over the 1st double, pedaled all the way over the roller to the step up, perfect manual #2).



After practice was winding down I was just waiting for my son to finish up the last bit of what he was doing and I noticed that I had ridden all night and my lungs actually felt GOOD. I could breathe deeply without a hard effort for the first time since probably April.



I *THINK* my body finally dissolved the biggest clot, and now it`s time to heal and repair the damage. I`m still on the meds for a while so I still can`t race, but if I continue to feel better at the rate I`m going I should be in great shape by the beginning of November (I`m done with the treatment then). I`m not racing the Grands (kinda foolish when I have had to sit out half the year), but I am planning on racing the ROC (I`m qualified as of now, but then again we`ve only got 7 riders in my class with any state points )



This is turning out to be a lesson in determination and perseverance, both at home and on the track. My son seems to be more inspired lately and he`s totally kicking butt! If I could get someone to help me get back on track quicker I am sure I`ll do well enough in Tulsa, but for now my goal is to get well enough to race. Thanks to everyone who has offered encouragement and support so far, it has really made a difference.



JB

Well, just got a call from the doctor about my most recent blood test (I have to monitor the level of the medicine in my blood. Too high and I could bleed to death from a minor cut, too low and my body can`t get rid of the clot in my lung). It`s just about PERFECT. That means my dose it right, and has been for a month steady now. (it`s apparently very hard to stabilize the blood level). What does all that mean? It means I can loosen up and start riding a little more aggressively again! I`m still advised not to race, and above all else I have to keep my health up front. I`m getting my racing fix through my son recently as he has been ON FIRE. He`s won six out of his last 7 races and is currently the number one 9I in texas state points, number 4 out of all 9 year olds in the state! Looks like we`re both going to the ROC!





Which leads me to the last update for today. I am having to sit out for a while, but I can still ride and still train, and I`m now on a program for the ROC. Placing well at the end of this year will set me up with plenty of momentum for 2008, when I will set my sights on a NAG plate.